Hey guys!
Yes it has been a while. In fact it's 85 days since my last post.
So what have I been up to? Sadly I have not been fighting my way out of a parallel universe tempting me with lots of places to discover, go into at will or as directed by certain factions who will go unnamed wearing nothing but something blue with the numbers 111 on the back... okay, I have gotten a little into Fallout 4, but no, I haven't sunk into a writer's abyss.
In fact, I've joined a social writing group on meetup.com, and pop out there every now and then, as well as do some editing in my spare time, gradually working down the page count of Three Ways' first part - and at last managing to get in all I need to get in for that part by stripping out the portions of the story I no longer require.
This included deleting an entire chapter of a character and situation I was wanting to explore, but ultimately took up 7 very precious pages and, like Lizard on a Stick (for anybody who's seen Conan the Barbarian - THE ORIGINAL ONE WITH ARNOLD - you'll know what I mean), got the chop.
In fact, a lot of things have had the chop, including character developments that seemed like a good idea at the time, characters who seemed like a good idea at the time, plot arcs that, well, you should have a good picture by now. Some have been easy, some have been, "how can I work this feeling in" and one or two have been deciding what to pull the plug on.
But this is this writer's life, what doesn't float my boat gets tipped over the side (or sometimes thrown into the back of the freezer - a pagan city of Caral-Muar, some street known as the Avenue of Heroes, and a famous Boadicea-like character known as the Bloodqueen were thawed out and cooked up with the rest of Hero of Talbadas). As for timing, well, I'm sort of getting there, I'll finish this editing to get the writing leaner, get those page counts down, keeping in mind the lessons of getting TSH edited - then look at Part 2 and the wonders of CONFLICT!
Yay!
Of course, this is alongside a great many other things, including getting life back on track. I know I've intimated this before but, well, last year saw me depart my relationship, and I'm now going it alone in my own place, seeing my little one pretty regularly (the benefit of still working near where he lives), and leaving behind what, if I'm completely honest, wasn't the best for me and that I wasn't the best in.
But positive steps have been made, as well as the contrite understanding that, all the messy trauma I've dealt with in my life, the poor and conflicted parenting, the constant moving, the school bullying, constant negation by one who really should love me, getting sexually assaulted as a child, are the main reasons I had a psychotic episode, and developed depression and anxiety, with a side of PTSD
The CSA and PTSD has been EDMR'd. Now the anxiety and depression is getting SNRI'd by my old friend Venlafaxine (sure I've been exhibiting a lot of raver gaze lately, but my current mood is awesome - I even love the menial admin job I do!). And while the writing and even the gaming has taken a bit of a back seat, there's a park near mine with outdoor gym equipment - I'm doing reps and hitting the elliptical, WOO!
So yeah, I'm plodding on in life, working on being the best dad I can be, loving the time I have with my son (still 99% well behaved, and getting taller and hungrier and wordier), and going back on from strength to strength while dealing with day to day things (speaking of which, rego due).
Well that's me done with updates and changes, I'm going back to life, hope you're doing well with yours, and I'll get back soon with updates.
Peace out, live long and prosper, the force will be with you always, and as always:
Have a good one!
T. M.
Saturday, 19 March 2016
Friday, 25 December 2015
"Season's" Greetings for Today and The Rest Of The Year - Gotta Do It Right, Right?
Hey guys,
Yes, that time of year is upon us, when a pagan tradition of gathering together got superseded by a not so pagan tradition, got rewritten as a time of being nice to people and gathering together, became a time of selling a bunch of stuff for us to give to each other in a big gathering, and having a joyous time of it.
Yes, it's Christmas again. And whether your understanding is the whole eat, drink and be merry side of things, dressing up trees in the middle of a Northern Hemisphere winter (thank you wonderful Germanic peoples of times since!), something miraculous, getting all into the spirit of it or just being in company, I hope on this day you, your friends, and your family - no matter how close or distant, or broken as the case may be - are having a wonderful and very Merry Christmas.
Myself, I honestly don't know. A lot has changed for me recently, not just in coming to an understanding with and of myself, and not just in finding a new direction for my writing, but also in something very dear to me that has come to a close with uncertain future. And today, knowing I would wake up alone, I went looking for Christmas rather than mope about the house alone until going to share moments with my son.
I won't say this is an easy day for me. It's very hard, and in fact became very upsetting for me. I did not want to be alone or upset on a connective day best for gathering together in peace, love and happiness. And in the end, I'm not sure what I found, but I came to a very interesting conclusion.
Today, I went to a Christmas service up at the local Anglican. Not sure what to make of that, but for a brief moment I was a part of something, only alone because they did a big communion and I wasn't going to play a liar in a church any day of the week, let alone this one. But that aside, I found a very interesting juxtaposition - and a familiar story retold.
I'm sure your all familiar with a child born to a mother seemingly without a father being involved. Three dudes rocking up with some epic pressies because, behold, here was the son of a holy power - or as I found out today, the holy power itself, though I question the actual circumstances behind what I view to be myth. This joyous occasion because here was what is best viewed as a God's gift to the earth, himself in humble form, to connect with the people of the world, to share love, forgiveness and redemption. Fast forward a couple of years and beyond advice to pay taxes, we all know the story of what happened to said divine child and will have a look into it at Easter - but won't wonder how, when we know birth date and time exactly, but can't pin down the day or time of closure because it coincides with the lunar phases (how very pagan indeed).
All ranting aside, I'm sure you're also familiar with a more recent tale, about a distant, coldhearted, eternally unchanging and lets face it abrasively abusive numbskull who had a sudden epiphany of greatness and stepped into a new, joyous role in the world - having been visited by a spirit, received three gifts, seen his unredemptive fate and gone out to seek forgiveness and also to gather together with people of the world. And while we all know Ebeneezer Scrooge as a bitter man who learns to stop grinding his axes and make nice, I found his exact influence in Church this morning.
As is happened, today the priest intoned a sermon based on the true meaning of Christmas (formally a pagan midwinter ritual). In it, he lamented the modern Christmas as being created by Charles Dickens as a time of family. Not, the true meaning, being the joyous event that was God coming to earth in the body of his son, Jesus, to gather all the people together and share in his love, joy, forgiveness and redemption. That's right, God, "I am the Lord, I do not change," "Good, [Abraham] loves me because he fears me," the great being in the sky who tested a father by asking him to kill his own son (yeah, bit of a bad example), and liked the whole flood the earth, damn the creation deal, came unto the earth to be nice.
And it got me thinking. Hang on, that's basically Scrooge. An abusive authority figure with only damnation for the world, testing, casting people into meek subservience because he's in charge, who had his epiphany built on being disconnected with the world, and came down of his high horse to be nice. And what did he do? Spread good cheer, love and kindness, redeemed himself in the eyes of those around him, and did things to ask forgiveness for his wrongs.
And is it solely Christmas day for Ebeneezer to be nice in the world? No! It's only given as a Christmas Carol, but it could be any Carol. And given the darkness to which he was shown, to die bitter and alone, unloved and unmourned as result of his disconnection to what living and life is all about, Christmas is merely a plot device. The change of heart happens on this day because Christmas had to been known as a time of giving and receiving even before Dickens wrote this famous tale - WHAT ELSE DID HE BASE IT ON?
So not only did I hear a priest say that the incorrect modern version of Christmas, a time of gathering together, usually our families but often times our friends, was invented by Charles Dickens. Not only did I hear him badmouth a great story as nothing on the true meaning of Christmas. But I heard a priest tell exactly the same story from an earlier time.
I know this is becoming a rant, but today I distilled the whole message behind the birth of God on our earth as Jesus, and found in it again in the rebirth of Ebeneezer Scrooge as a good, giving man, both having lived disconnected from the world for their own particular reasons, which in my understanding seem to be crude bitterness with an abusive tendency - one an oftentimes angry, jealous deity, the other an oftentimes angry, bitter rich business owner. Both gave up the disconnect, they came in love, they lived among us and did good things. And though it isn't told, we know that Scrooge changed for the better for good. He reconnected with his family, connected with his workers and their families, and society, for good. The rest of his days.
As for the other guy, well, we've still got an enduring legacy, possibly for the end of all time - but perhaps not for an understandable reason. From either side of the debate, or from somewhere in between, we have a Christmas that is about sharing love and happiness, joy, forgiveness and redemption. Today, for all my sadness, I actually tried to do the last two for my most personal matter.
I don't know what the future brings, or what today really means for me. But what I do know, even for my misgivings and questions of religion, and where religion comes out swinging at me, and even though in my mind I can imagine a reality becoming a legend and then becoming a myth, this spirit exists now, deep in the past, and will exist deep into the future.
No, it isn't excess, some subverted saint who we used to have a feast for on the 6th (12 days before Christmas - and yes there's a song about that, too!) who got turned fat and red by the Coca Cola Company, and the presents need not necessarily occur - though how better to show it with a thoughtful gift.
It is a time of coming together and sharing love and joy. Of coming to forgive our yearly failings, to redeem ourselves in our loved one's eyes. Of being caring to the world in general, giving and receiving this wondrous bounty of humanity itself. To accept the world out there and step amongst it with the purpose to do GOOD in the world. But the trick I learned today, just as with the Catholic understanding and the Dickensian, is to do this all the year through.
Wherever you are, no matter your faith or lack thereof, I hope you are gathered together, you are loving, you are forgiving, and you are going to bring yourself and each other into the goodness of human existence. And if you are sad, and even if there are those in your life you cannot forgive for their heinousness, may you find peace and tranquility in your acceptance that they wronged you, not you doing wrong yourself. I hope none of you are alone, and at least have comfort in your day.
To one person in my life, I'm sorry and I forgive you. To my son, I'll love you forever. And to us all, Peace on Earth. Peace to Earth. Peace from Earth.
Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
All the best,
T. M.
Yes, that time of year is upon us, when a pagan tradition of gathering together got superseded by a not so pagan tradition, got rewritten as a time of being nice to people and gathering together, became a time of selling a bunch of stuff for us to give to each other in a big gathering, and having a joyous time of it.
Yes, it's Christmas again. And whether your understanding is the whole eat, drink and be merry side of things, dressing up trees in the middle of a Northern Hemisphere winter (thank you wonderful Germanic peoples of times since!), something miraculous, getting all into the spirit of it or just being in company, I hope on this day you, your friends, and your family - no matter how close or distant, or broken as the case may be - are having a wonderful and very Merry Christmas.
Myself, I honestly don't know. A lot has changed for me recently, not just in coming to an understanding with and of myself, and not just in finding a new direction for my writing, but also in something very dear to me that has come to a close with uncertain future. And today, knowing I would wake up alone, I went looking for Christmas rather than mope about the house alone until going to share moments with my son.
I won't say this is an easy day for me. It's very hard, and in fact became very upsetting for me. I did not want to be alone or upset on a connective day best for gathering together in peace, love and happiness. And in the end, I'm not sure what I found, but I came to a very interesting conclusion.
Today, I went to a Christmas service up at the local Anglican. Not sure what to make of that, but for a brief moment I was a part of something, only alone because they did a big communion and I wasn't going to play a liar in a church any day of the week, let alone this one. But that aside, I found a very interesting juxtaposition - and a familiar story retold.
I'm sure your all familiar with a child born to a mother seemingly without a father being involved. Three dudes rocking up with some epic pressies because, behold, here was the son of a holy power - or as I found out today, the holy power itself, though I question the actual circumstances behind what I view to be myth. This joyous occasion because here was what is best viewed as a God's gift to the earth, himself in humble form, to connect with the people of the world, to share love, forgiveness and redemption. Fast forward a couple of years and beyond advice to pay taxes, we all know the story of what happened to said divine child and will have a look into it at Easter - but won't wonder how, when we know birth date and time exactly, but can't pin down the day or time of closure because it coincides with the lunar phases (how very pagan indeed).
All ranting aside, I'm sure you're also familiar with a more recent tale, about a distant, coldhearted, eternally unchanging and lets face it abrasively abusive numbskull who had a sudden epiphany of greatness and stepped into a new, joyous role in the world - having been visited by a spirit, received three gifts, seen his unredemptive fate and gone out to seek forgiveness and also to gather together with people of the world. And while we all know Ebeneezer Scrooge as a bitter man who learns to stop grinding his axes and make nice, I found his exact influence in Church this morning.
As is happened, today the priest intoned a sermon based on the true meaning of Christmas (formally a pagan midwinter ritual). In it, he lamented the modern Christmas as being created by Charles Dickens as a time of family. Not, the true meaning, being the joyous event that was God coming to earth in the body of his son, Jesus, to gather all the people together and share in his love, joy, forgiveness and redemption. That's right, God, "I am the Lord, I do not change," "Good, [Abraham] loves me because he fears me," the great being in the sky who tested a father by asking him to kill his own son (yeah, bit of a bad example), and liked the whole flood the earth, damn the creation deal, came unto the earth to be nice.
And it got me thinking. Hang on, that's basically Scrooge. An abusive authority figure with only damnation for the world, testing, casting people into meek subservience because he's in charge, who had his epiphany built on being disconnected with the world, and came down of his high horse to be nice. And what did he do? Spread good cheer, love and kindness, redeemed himself in the eyes of those around him, and did things to ask forgiveness for his wrongs.
And is it solely Christmas day for Ebeneezer to be nice in the world? No! It's only given as a Christmas Carol, but it could be any Carol. And given the darkness to which he was shown, to die bitter and alone, unloved and unmourned as result of his disconnection to what living and life is all about, Christmas is merely a plot device. The change of heart happens on this day because Christmas had to been known as a time of giving and receiving even before Dickens wrote this famous tale - WHAT ELSE DID HE BASE IT ON?
So not only did I hear a priest say that the incorrect modern version of Christmas, a time of gathering together, usually our families but often times our friends, was invented by Charles Dickens. Not only did I hear him badmouth a great story as nothing on the true meaning of Christmas. But I heard a priest tell exactly the same story from an earlier time.
I know this is becoming a rant, but today I distilled the whole message behind the birth of God on our earth as Jesus, and found in it again in the rebirth of Ebeneezer Scrooge as a good, giving man, both having lived disconnected from the world for their own particular reasons, which in my understanding seem to be crude bitterness with an abusive tendency - one an oftentimes angry, jealous deity, the other an oftentimes angry, bitter rich business owner. Both gave up the disconnect, they came in love, they lived among us and did good things. And though it isn't told, we know that Scrooge changed for the better for good. He reconnected with his family, connected with his workers and their families, and society, for good. The rest of his days.
As for the other guy, well, we've still got an enduring legacy, possibly for the end of all time - but perhaps not for an understandable reason. From either side of the debate, or from somewhere in between, we have a Christmas that is about sharing love and happiness, joy, forgiveness and redemption. Today, for all my sadness, I actually tried to do the last two for my most personal matter.
I don't know what the future brings, or what today really means for me. But what I do know, even for my misgivings and questions of religion, and where religion comes out swinging at me, and even though in my mind I can imagine a reality becoming a legend and then becoming a myth, this spirit exists now, deep in the past, and will exist deep into the future.
No, it isn't excess, some subverted saint who we used to have a feast for on the 6th (12 days before Christmas - and yes there's a song about that, too!) who got turned fat and red by the Coca Cola Company, and the presents need not necessarily occur - though how better to show it with a thoughtful gift.
It is a time of coming together and sharing love and joy. Of coming to forgive our yearly failings, to redeem ourselves in our loved one's eyes. Of being caring to the world in general, giving and receiving this wondrous bounty of humanity itself. To accept the world out there and step amongst it with the purpose to do GOOD in the world. But the trick I learned today, just as with the Catholic understanding and the Dickensian, is to do this all the year through.
Wherever you are, no matter your faith or lack thereof, I hope you are gathered together, you are loving, you are forgiving, and you are going to bring yourself and each other into the goodness of human existence. And if you are sad, and even if there are those in your life you cannot forgive for their heinousness, may you find peace and tranquility in your acceptance that they wronged you, not you doing wrong yourself. I hope none of you are alone, and at least have comfort in your day.
To one person in my life, I'm sorry and I forgive you. To my son, I'll love you forever. And to us all, Peace on Earth. Peace to Earth. Peace from Earth.
Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!
All the best,
T. M.
Thursday, 19 November 2015
It's my birthday and I'll blog if I want to...
And you would blog too if you had nothing else to do.
Oh, hi guys, nearly didn't see you there.
Calling it 10 days since my last blog and yes its very hot here in Sydney today (where was this weather on the weekend when it rained, damn it?) and is meant to be worse tomorrow. TGIF at least but yeah, we'll see how things go.
Anyway, as the weather continues hot, yes, I've finished the first part of the book, and am having a little bit of trouble with the next section for now, but all things in perspective WOO HOO! It's a lot of progress to get 100 + pages into a work, heading for the all important middle and the further build of tension and conflict and stuff.
Yeah, I'm thinking there's going to be a sample coming extremely soon, let me get some logistics out of the way and I'll punch it through. And yeah, I've gotta say my book is turning out more interesting to muck around with than Fallout 4 (nice graphics, good setting and just a hint of a good reason to stomp around post-apocalyptic Boston in a power armour zapping stuff with a minigun you've renamed Ol' Painless). Well, I'll jump back in the wasteland soon, but yeah, I'm achieving with my work, and I'm moving further into it, so the next logical step is pretty much completion!
As it stands, my book is beginning to teach me a lot about myself, so yeah more than a hint that this work is much closer to home than I expected. That said, be warned you'll only see a stripped down version of the opening chapter - hate to tease but you're just going to have to wait until I'm published to get reading.
Well, that's all I have, except that yes, today is my birthday, and while I'm happy I'm just a little bit ambivalent. But tomorrow is just another day (thanks Scarlet, but frankly, you know the rest). Peace, goodwill, love and mungbeans.
Catch you all soon,
T. M.
Oh, hi guys, nearly didn't see you there.
Calling it 10 days since my last blog and yes its very hot here in Sydney today (where was this weather on the weekend when it rained, damn it?) and is meant to be worse tomorrow. TGIF at least but yeah, we'll see how things go.
Anyway, as the weather continues hot, yes, I've finished the first part of the book, and am having a little bit of trouble with the next section for now, but all things in perspective WOO HOO! It's a lot of progress to get 100 + pages into a work, heading for the all important middle and the further build of tension and conflict and stuff.
Yeah, I'm thinking there's going to be a sample coming extremely soon, let me get some logistics out of the way and I'll punch it through. And yeah, I've gotta say my book is turning out more interesting to muck around with than Fallout 4 (nice graphics, good setting and just a hint of a good reason to stomp around post-apocalyptic Boston in a power armour zapping stuff with a minigun you've renamed Ol' Painless). Well, I'll jump back in the wasteland soon, but yeah, I'm achieving with my work, and I'm moving further into it, so the next logical step is pretty much completion!
As it stands, my book is beginning to teach me a lot about myself, so yeah more than a hint that this work is much closer to home than I expected. That said, be warned you'll only see a stripped down version of the opening chapter - hate to tease but you're just going to have to wait until I'm published to get reading.
Well, that's all I have, except that yes, today is my birthday, and while I'm happy I'm just a little bit ambivalent. But tomorrow is just another day (thanks Scarlet, but frankly, you know the rest). Peace, goodwill, love and mungbeans.
Catch you all soon,
T. M.
Monday, 9 November 2015
Sex and the City of Sydney (haha, see what I did there?)
Hi guys,
Yes, it's a bit like that, but sadly no, I'm not talking about myself (more on that sort of thing later). But yes it's all about my new book which is coming along swimmingly.
With all this time off work, I've been able to duck out to my local coffee shop for a couple of hours a day to get out of the house and do my writing. Then come home and do more writing. The last couple of days, in between throwing Skyrim and Fallout New Vegas on B(FALLOUT 4 TOMORROW, WOOO!) - ahem - I've moved from Chapter 6 where you all know I turned out to be rather stuck, and have just completed chapter 12.
Which itself is a monumental achievement, I'm nearly done the first act, so that means there's about to be a plot twist (shhh, pretend I didn't say that!) - with that, Black Ops rules will apply, so from here on it will only be chapter updates and how things are shaping up, other than that it's going to be pretty dark until I'm able to publish - we'll see about that, my hope is by end of this year but once I'm back at work my writing time will decrease. 2 chapters a week and I'll be happy.
But anyway, back to the title of the blog, and yes I've stepped into a pretty big world. More or less the adult world otherwise known as erotic fiction - and when I say erotic, simply I mean there is raunchy writing with very few allusions as to what's going on, but I'm not going into whips and chains, blindfolds, something to do with culinary delights. It's all one on one, consensual, "here's our relationship entering the bedroom" kind of a deal.
And I gotta say, writing it turned out a little less racy than I thought. Sure I went into my own bedroom for mood only - and moved my bed to face another wall for setting (using real places makes it simple; real streets in the Sydney suburbs even better), but strangely while I got the necessary emotion and feel onto the page it wasn't at all that troublesome. Not as dicey as my fight scenes (those things get me all YEAH!), so maybe a bit more maturity coming out.\
Don't worry, HoT fans, FSJ is still floating around on the backburner. As for those interested in the very new one, I reckon I can celebrate a release of the first chapter sometime soon, with more details to come, but yes it is a story about the ways we can look at our relationships and ourselves, the three ways I've identified as being the Physical, Mental and Spiritual.
Simple, really, but ultimately very profound, and unlike anything I've written before (and may write since). I'm already very proud of my little project, and its going to go the distance. Its my hope you'll be able to see if very, very soon.
For now, as always guys, have a good one, and I'll pop a few words from the Wasteland (and the next updates) online soon.
T. M.
Yes, it's a bit like that, but sadly no, I'm not talking about myself (more on that sort of thing later). But yes it's all about my new book which is coming along swimmingly.
With all this time off work, I've been able to duck out to my local coffee shop for a couple of hours a day to get out of the house and do my writing. Then come home and do more writing. The last couple of days, in between throwing Skyrim and Fallout New Vegas on B(FALLOUT 4 TOMORROW, WOOO!) - ahem - I've moved from Chapter 6 where you all know I turned out to be rather stuck, and have just completed chapter 12.
Which itself is a monumental achievement, I'm nearly done the first act, so that means there's about to be a plot twist (shhh, pretend I didn't say that!) - with that, Black Ops rules will apply, so from here on it will only be chapter updates and how things are shaping up, other than that it's going to be pretty dark until I'm able to publish - we'll see about that, my hope is by end of this year but once I'm back at work my writing time will decrease. 2 chapters a week and I'll be happy.
But anyway, back to the title of the blog, and yes I've stepped into a pretty big world. More or less the adult world otherwise known as erotic fiction - and when I say erotic, simply I mean there is raunchy writing with very few allusions as to what's going on, but I'm not going into whips and chains, blindfolds, something to do with culinary delights. It's all one on one, consensual, "here's our relationship entering the bedroom" kind of a deal.
And I gotta say, writing it turned out a little less racy than I thought. Sure I went into my own bedroom for mood only - and moved my bed to face another wall for setting (using real places makes it simple; real streets in the Sydney suburbs even better), but strangely while I got the necessary emotion and feel onto the page it wasn't at all that troublesome. Not as dicey as my fight scenes (those things get me all YEAH!), so maybe a bit more maturity coming out.\
Don't worry, HoT fans, FSJ is still floating around on the backburner. As for those interested in the very new one, I reckon I can celebrate a release of the first chapter sometime soon, with more details to come, but yes it is a story about the ways we can look at our relationships and ourselves, the three ways I've identified as being the Physical, Mental and Spiritual.
Simple, really, but ultimately very profound, and unlike anything I've written before (and may write since). I'm already very proud of my little project, and its going to go the distance. Its my hope you'll be able to see if very, very soon.
For now, as always guys, have a good one, and I'll pop a few words from the Wasteland (and the next updates) online soon.
T. M.
Saturday, 31 October 2015
Chapter 6 is done!
Hi guys, just an extra quick one.
Yes I just went and pulled the plug on one of the longest to write chapters I've done (at least this side of the Hero of Talbadas). Not sure if I'm 100% happy (I'll leave that to a re-read and go from there) but for now I'm closing off and going on to Chapter 7.
Here's to the next two weeks I'm on leave, I'm going to be getting some serious writing done, and see if I can close off the first act (here's hoping!).
Anyway I'm calling bed time. More updates to follow!
CHAPTER 6 IS FINISHED!
Yes I just went and pulled the plug on one of the longest to write chapters I've done (at least this side of the Hero of Talbadas). Not sure if I'm 100% happy (I'll leave that to a re-read and go from there) but for now I'm closing off and going on to Chapter 7.
Here's to the next two weeks I'm on leave, I'm going to be getting some serious writing done, and see if I can close off the first act (here's hoping!).
Anyway I'm calling bed time. More updates to follow!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)