Yep, long time, no blog. Book, you see. And speaking of that, I'm at a sunken moment money wise. Its fixable, but it means I can't do what I want with The Ways In - get an editor.
The joys of Bipolar 1 where the manic side is of prominence. Hello laissez faire attitude to life. Sure it lets small things be wonderful, but has its down sides. Greetings blase spending. Definitely a downside.
And its been on sweet, nourishing coffee at work. Two a day, 5 days a week. Sure it's $38 a week, but... And on making salads for dinner, with all the veg, and cheap meats, but big eating it... And putting too much on ye olde credite carde, to be paid off... When I have important healing expenses coming up, car service to fit in - and a personal holiday I know I'm worth and allowed.
Long story short, not good with the $$s this week courtesy of the past months. Thanks to recovery I know right now its another of those habits of mine. Too bad I pick it now not earlier, but thems the breaks. And as I realised today, I can't afford an editor for my book. S. H. I. T.
I don't know how I feel about it. It will mean I'm purely independent this time around. And thanks to using Narrator to go through 3W, I'm picking up lost words, which is good. Though it will mean a final listen to without suggestions from an independent set of eyes... which I really, really want.
But what do I do? Put my book on hold while I save up money? There's a reason why I want/need to get it out there, granted at its best not as a mess. Tough decision, but I'm just going to have to be confident about it... and pull myself back into line money wise.
Bipolar is a strange thing. Particularly the higher side, not fun when it helps make you prone to buzz feeding, and feeds the addictive buzz feeding. The sads happen - I had it the other day, the full face drop, the feel of tears behind the eyes. Meds are good keeping it under control, but not so good with the careless spending - that's my job.
Sure it has its benefits, being uplifted courtesy of a Disney movie, loving the fact there's a cinema at shopping centre, small things with profound meaning, the ability to rave at Defqon without the need of drugs, high on the music itself, the sense of humour, and the sight of the best.
But I forget its seriousness. And it's hit me up again. And I can't keep going with the cycle. And I don't know how serious I'll be about getting off the cycle when I'm habitually cyclical.
Wow, this has been deep. I'll call it a day there. Not sure when I'll blog next, but I'll see if it can be soon. Meanwhile I'll just get on the best I can and continue my current run - I'm up to chapter 2:6, 9 chapters to go after this, and my writing and the book has become quite lean. I'm the writer I want to be. Lets just see if I can be the editor I need to be.
Until next time, have a good one!
T. M.
